Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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