We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
