you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
