There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
