I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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