lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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