Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
