Cold hands, warm shart.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
