Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
