Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
