I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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