Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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