I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
