So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
