I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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