I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
