worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
