Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
