I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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