There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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