when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
