Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My feet surprised me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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