The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
