rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
