At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
