If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
