alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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