Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
