i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
