She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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