i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
