shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
