You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
