after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
