im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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