Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
