shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dear god my vagina.
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