Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
