she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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