you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
