I'm so fucking centered right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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