Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
