Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
