we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
