there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
