Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i think i just lost a toe
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
