ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
