If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
