help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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