Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
