i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
