made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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