omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.