I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize