Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher