Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
