It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
