will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
