so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
