after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
