I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I could fuck to npr.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
