Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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