yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
