I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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