Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
