So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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