Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
