grandma shit on top of the toilet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
