ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
