it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
