Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
