I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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