Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
