You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
