"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My dick has a subreddit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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